Author: leonaldridge2015

“Adventure is in the eye of the beholder.” 

– Annie Andre, travel and lifestyle blogger.

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“Welcome to the city of Pikeville,” the travel booklet beckoned to me last week. “A beautiful gem nestled in the heart of Kentucky’s Appalachian Mountains.”

The Pikeville promotional piece triggered a smile, reminding me of my one visit to the Blue Grass State’s eastern city some 30 or more years ago. It was an old car hunter’s dream adventure. For most of my life, I’ve chased stories of old cars hidden and forgotten by time. Still, Pikeville was for me the most incredible example of what is commonly called “barn find” cars—collectible cars long concealed out of sight and out of mind.

It all started at a family reunion in Winchester in north-central Kentucky, my mother’s birthplace and home, until she married my father in 1944. “Anybody want to go see my part of Kentucky,” offered my Uncle Freddie. He was married to my Aunt Jo, the middle child of five Johnson siblings born and raised in Winchester.

Freddie Scott was from Hazard, a couple hours east of Winchester over in the coal mining region of Kentucky. When his invitation came with the mention of visiting an eccentric relative near Pikeville who used to have some old cars hidden away, I was the first to sign up.

Pikeville is located in the Appalachian Mountains, along the Levisa Fork of the Big Sandy River. Getting to Hazard and then to Pike County entailed an adventure of its own winding through several smaller towns reminiscent of scenes from the 1980s movie, “Coal Miner’s Daughter,” about country music singer Loretta Lynn.

My Uncle Freddie’s uncle, who also answered to “Uncle Freddie,” greeted us on the parking lot of his residence wearing his best pair of overalls and a ball cap advertising his wrecker service. That residence was unmistakably once a motel on the uphill side of narrow two-lane highway 23 outside Pikeville.

“My nephew likes old cars,” my Uncle Freddie said. “You still got yours?” Nodding across the road toward what appeared to be an old country store clinging to the mountainside above the river, the other Uncle Freddie responded, “Sure do.”

Shafts of afternoon sunlight following us into the dark building first revealing a ’49 Ford that looked like someone had painted it using a cheap brush years ago. In stark contrast, beside it sat a pristine white ‘60 Chevrolet Impala similar to the one I remembered Mount Pleasant friend Troy Alders driving when we were in high school.

As I was about to declare this “stash” nice but not spectacular, the elder Freddie began throwing old quilts and feed sacks aside to uncover one more vehicle. What emerged was an immaculate red ’61 Corvette. It didn’t take long to notice the odometer that was not yet displaying 10,000 miles and the “Fuel Injection” badging on the front fender indicating this early version of “America’s Sports Car” was equipped with the highest performance option motor for that year. The originality of the paint, interior, and every detail dazzled: every inch of the car screamed, “untouched factory original.”

“Got it years ago from the guy who bought it new,” he said. “The dealer in Pikeville offered me a brand-new Corvette for it not long ago—even trade. I just laughed at him.”

I was still busy, drooling and trying to fathom the car’s condition when it was apparent Freddie “two” was still digging through the myriads of makeshift car coverings. Then, finally, when the last piece had been tossed aside, there sat another “showroom new” Corvette. This one, a 1956 sporting an odd but popular color combination for that year, Pinecrest green with red interior, registered just over 2,000 miles. Under the hood, dual air cleaners gave away Chevrolet’s highest performance V-8 available for that year as well.

“Do you ever drive them,” my uncle asked? After a moment’s pause for pondering, the elder Freddie said, “Started ‘em up a few years ago and drove ‘em across the street when the river got up … it was about to get up in this building.”

“Ever consider selling them,” I followed? No pensive reflection was needed that time. All I got was a laugh, probably the same one the Pikeville Chevy dealer got.

My Uncle Freddie passed away too few years after that. And I never heard what became of the pair of incredible time capsule Corvettes my eyes beheld one day in Kentucky. Still, I never forgot them … or the Pikeville adventure.

—Leon Aldridge

(Photo above by Leon Aldridge about 1984 — The cars pictured are not Corvettes and that barn find adventure was not in Kentucky. Sadly, no photos of the Corvettes in Kentucky exist. The cars above were technically not “barn find” cars in the strictest sense of terminology either, they were an East Texas “chicken house find.” I have found old cars waiting to be discovered in every imaginable type of structure. The “chicken house adventure” above yielded a 440 powered 1969 Plymouth GTX convertible (left), a 428 powered 1969 Pontiac Bonneville convertible (center), and a 1968 Oldsmobile Cutlass convertible (not in the photo.) The 1961 Cadillac limo was also in the chicken house, but unlike the three cars listed above, it and several others did not go home with me that day.

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“We don’t remember days, we remember moments.”

—Old saying, author unknown, but they might have been a pilot.

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It had been many years since I thought about her. Even longer since I had seen any pictures of her. All I had was lots of old memories about mostly good times together.

Then there she was one day last week. An aging, grainy photo of her in a 1984 edition of The Light and Champion where she was looking for a new place to work.

For Sale” the ad declared in large type. “Cabin Class Twin Aircraft.” The Cessna was a step up for Shelby Newspapers, Inc. in the early 1980s. It was the second aircraft Jim Chionsini purchased for easy access to newspapers from up in Kansas to down in South Texas.

The first was a six-place single-engine Piper, a larger and faster version of an aircraft in which I was a partner and flew at the time.

Center native Jonathan McDonald was the pilot for the company’s first plane. By the time the Cessna replaced it, Jonathan had acquired newspaper skills that earned him a publisher’s job, and C.A. Samford, another Center guy, became chief pilot for the Cessna.

The perk for me was that as a licensed pilot, I got to accumulate right-seat time with both of them. In addition to serving as editor and publisher of The Light and Champion in those days, my duties often entailed helping Jim with new acquisitions. So, I was along for the ride anyway.

To me, the heavens and the earth viewed from the cockpit of an airplane is the “catbird seat” for breathtaking views and fond memories from which great stories are born. One, in particular, was a trip over to Selma, Alabama, where we met with Jim’s long-time friend, Shelton Prince. A trip to see Shelton was always a mixture of business and pleasure.

On the return flight home that night “flying” right seat in the cockpit with C.A., I watched growing thunderheads off the right wing at a comfortable distance while Jim snoozed in the back. Flashes of lightning illuminated the massive clouds every few seconds that were otherwise invisible in the darkness. Closer to me was the mesmerizing red glow from the exhaust flowing out the right engine just outside the cockpit window.

Magnificent scenes then and pleasant memories through the years.

Coincidentally, that same right engine later produced something less than pleasant moments on a trip down to South Texas. I wasn’t on board for that trip, but Jim’s vivid account of it is a great memory and a good story.

The flight was taking a friend to visit a newspaper for sale. I dropped everyone off at the Center airport on an overcast morning and returned to the office downtown. Just a short time later, Jim was calling. “Can you pick us up at the Lufkin airport? Long story, I’ll tell you when you get here.”

Recounting the short flight on the long drive back to Center, Jim began, “We took off and had punched through 5,000 feet of overcast. When we popped out on top in the sunshine, I noticed oil seeping out of the cowling on the right engine. Knowing my prospective newspaper buyer hated flying to begin with,” he continued, “I calmly got up, stepped to the cockpit and tapped C.A. on the shoulder. Before I even said anything, he replied, ‘I know boss, I’m watching it.’”

Jim said he barely had time to get to his seat and sit down when the engine let go with a loud, explosive noise. “I jumped up and went straight back to the cockpit, but C.A. cut me short saying, ‘Boss, I’m really busy at the moment.’ Then he closed the cockpit door.”

“I sat down and tried to console my friend who was about to have a nervous breakdown,” Jim always told the story. “I looked out the window as we went back into the 5,000-foot overcast. When we came out the bottom, we were looking straight down the runway at the Lufkin airport.”

According to Jim’s oft-repeated story, C.A. landed the wounded airplane gently on the runway and taxied to the terminal. “As the good engine shut down,” he told it, “The cockpit door opened, C.A. stepped out and asked, ‘What was that you wanted to talk to me about boss. I’m not quite as busy now.’”

I smiled at seeing the newspaper ad last week. Whether it was remembering the good moments or the others, the old girl was apparently up for sale when she was repaired and flying again.

Details in that ad read, “… 880 hours since left engine overhaul, zero hours since right engine overhaul.”

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

—Joey Adams, (1911 – 1999) American comedian, vaudevillian, radio host, nightclub performer, and author.

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Resolutions are seldom the solution. Easily made but even more easily tossed aside before Valentine cards are on sale, our endeavors for a new start often require more work than we are willing to put into them.

That is unless your resolutions are like Center minister Tim Perkins’ pledges. In his sermon Sunday morning at the Center Church of Christ, he vowed before the faithful flock gathered that he would eat no more sweets in 2022: no more cakes, no more cookies, and no more pies. Then, when he had everyone’s undivided attention, he concluded with a smile, “I also vow to eat no less than I did in 2021.”

Vowing to eat less is probably second only to resolutions for saving more money. So, that aspect of improving 2022 dominated my thoughts last week as I worked on creative ways to further stretch the already thin dollars in my budget. In doing so, I remembered a conversation with former city manager and friend Jeff Ellington many years ago. In that visit, Jeff and I laughed at realizing we shared a common method for making extra spending money as kids, collecting and redeeming empty soft drink bottles for the deposit money. The humor was in realizing that countless youngsters like us had done the same thing.

Ellington grew up in Shelby County, and I grew up in Titus County in northeast Texas, but the work ethic was the same. Even at a bicycle riding age, if we wanted disposable income, we made it with our ingenuity and sweat equity.

My life as a preteen in the late 50s and early 60s was not a hardship. There were no five-mile walks to school in the snow, uphill both ways. Life was easy. I walked just two blocks to school in an average middle-class American neighborhood on Redbud Lane in Mount Pleasant. Even so, a Saturday movie, a comic book, or the newest rock-and-roll record was enjoyed only by free enterprise at its best.

For good friend and next-door neighbor, Eddie Dial, and me, the lure of admission to the Martin Theater on Saturday afternoons often required extra income. Motivation to see that western or sci-fi flick and maybe pick up a comic book later from Perry Brothers five-and-dime store was enough to learn that extra income was going to come primarily by our own efforts.

Our parents cared well for our needs, and in my case, I even earned 25-cents a week allowance so long as I cleaned my room, kept the trash cans emptied, and groomed mom’s flower bed, keeping it free of weeds. But the bulk of our recreating was supported by collecting soft drink bottles tossed on the roadside and returning them at the corner grocery store for the deposit money.

The total cost of a Saturday afternoon on the town was minimal by today’s standards. A quarter to get in the movies. Popcorn and a drink were another quarter. The comic book afterward was a dime.

But Saturday afternoon luxuries were dependent on Saturday morning’s search for bottles. Typically, the business plan was a bicycle ride south of town on the Pittsburg highway, some days as far as Cypress Creek scanning the roadside for bottles. The round trip of up to ten miles if we went all the way to Cypress Creek usually netted a decent income from the two cents each for bottle was worth at Hutchison’s Grocery Store. Life was good.

Still working on stretching dollars today when the expense of my upkeep becomes my downfall caused me to think. Perhaps being introduced to more of the same free enterprise, a.k.a. work, at an early age would solve a few problems today just as it did for previous generations of kids.

After all, look how well it worked for my friends and me. Jeff enjoyed a prominent career in city government during his lifetime. The last I heard, Eddie followed in his father’s footsteps with a successful career in the insurance business. And me?

Let’s just say that, for me, working has proven to still be the better resolution.

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

—C.S. Lewis, British writer and lay theologian.

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I’ve been told I’m getting old, but I refuse to accept that somewhat opinionated viewpoint. It’s my personal observation I’ve simply accumulated a lot of experience.

Lately however it’s becoming apparent just how much “experience” I really do have. That revelation came last week while performing the traditional “old year-out and new year-in” reflections routine one more time.

Reading a collection of clippings and the bounty of bound volumes in the newspaper library still trying to assemble something into a book gave me cause to smile. To borrow from perhaps the most well-known advertising slogan in history, “We’ve come a long way baby.”

Along with noticing how far my column writing style has come, the experiences I’ve written about offer their own perspective. For instance, reading one recently that I wrote in 1981 clearly noted the changes in both. Ironically, that piece also began as a reflection on being told that I was getting old. 

“Imagine if you will,” it began, “a day in the life of modern man living in the United States.”

“It starts with his subtle awakening to soft music, noting the time in a liquid crystal display, and comes with a feature that allows him the privilege of intermittent lapses back into the sleep state by simply pushing a button.

“As that awakening process begins in the bedroom, an automatic coffee pot in the kitchen with its own timer brews fresh java that is ready before he ever sets foot on the floor.

“After our modern man eats breakfast cooked in seconds in a non-heat-producing oven called a microwave, he heads off to work in a diesel-powered automobile equipped with a “cruise control” that maintains a constant speed without effort. That same vehicle has an onboard computer informing him of his average speed, fuel consumption, and trip duration.

“Once in the office, he makes calls on his desk phone that automatically stores numbers in memory for future use. That same modern telephone takes messages when he cannot answer it and has a button that allows him to speak into the phone without a long cord for holding the handset to be heard from anywhere in the room.

“During the course of a day, he has at his disposal a calculator that will not only add and subtract but also divide and multiply as well. And it fits into a shirt pocket along with a tiny tape recorder for documenting conversations.

“He travels by flying in jet-powered aircraft capable of navigating through any type of weather with the aid of computerized guidance systems using nothing more than needles on the instrument panel.

“While flying, he can read a newspaper produced and printed via photographic processes while the recording device on his television at home will automatically record any of his favorite shows he might be missing.

“Most remarkable is that all the technology described above has been invented in the last 15 years, most of it in 10. We can’t help but wonder what impact the next ten years and beyond will have on our lives.”

If 1981 could only see how far we have come in 2021. Computers that were new in 1981 control every aspect of our lives today, whether we want them to or not. Virtually every necessity and convenience in life is reduced to a single device smaller than the pack of trendy cigarettes the advertising slogan mentioned earlier promoted decades ago.

With those personal reflections, I wish all a happy and prosperous New Year as we await the unveiling of what 2022 has in store. Let’s resolve to set new goals. Accumulate new experiences. Start the new year with optimism. I’ll go first and say that 40 years from now, I’m hoping those comments about my getting old have changed to, “Wow, doesn’t he look good for his age.”

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child.” 

– William Saroyan (1908 – 1981) Armenian American novelist, playwright, and short-story writer.

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With every washed-out hole in the dirt road, my truck rebelled at the impact, tossing the front end toward one ditch or the other.

The weather outside was cold and rainy. Inside the vehicle, where it was warmer, I gripped the steering wheel in hopes the battle between my truck and the holes in the road wouldn’t jerk it out of my hands. A slower speed might have made the trip less violent, but it wasn’t worth risking getting stuck on the backside of nowhere in the far reaches of the county. In 1986, cell phones were still a part of Christmas future.  

“What are we looking for, daddy,” asked son, Lee, then six, who is 41 as this Christmas approaches.

“A house down here a ways on the right,” I explained. “At least it’s supposed to be around here somewhere.”

“If we can’t find it, maybe Santa Claus can,” he replied with youthful optimism.

“Lee, if Santa Claus could find it,” offered his philosophical sister Robin, then eight, who is now 43, “We probably wouldn’t be hunting for it.”

At last, we found our first destination, a muddy driveway near three small, old, and unpainted houses. Each one had smoke curling from a stovepipe chimney jutting from some random spot. Small sticks of wood were stacked nearby, but the aroma in the air smelled more like burning garbage.

There were no yards. The houses were separated only by broken household items: washing machines, couch frames, bicycles, and a junked automobile or two. Surveying the “neighborhood,” I suddenly feared that the seemingly large baskets of Christmas toys and food we had with us were small, compared to the need.

Sunday afternoons like this were a regular Christmas season practice back then as a Center Noon Lions Club member distributing the civic club’s food and toy baskets. More often than not, I took my kids with me.

For just a moment, it was quiet. Robin and Lee looked, but neither said a word. Exiting my truck, I stepped from the warmth of my vehicle and into a sizable puddle of mud. Recovering from that, I looked for the door of the nearest house to verify our location.

A dim light shone through the window, and the muffled bark of dogs came from under the porch as I raised my hand to knock. Beside that dilapidated door was the rusted frame of a bicycle. It had no chain or tires, and lying beside it, was a worn-out doll.

In a window was a child’s drawing of Santa Claus with, “It’s Christmas time Oh, Oh, Oh,” in a youngster’s handwriting that I presumed to be the same child. At first, I wondered if it was a youngster’s misspelling of St. Nick’s Ho-Ho-Ho or a sad message of desperation.

Inside, family members huddled close to the wood-burning heater because more than three feet away from it, the temperature wasn’t much different than it was outside.

We shared the Lion’s Club basket with Christmas dinner fixings and children’s toys while visiting and learning everyone’s name. Then, wishing the family a blessed Christmas, we were off to find another location on our list.

As we were quietly traveling more muddy roads, Robin asked, “Why isn’t Christmas the same for all kids?”

“Well sweetheart,” I told her, “If we don’t get lost in the next hour or so, I will try tell you. But maybe during that time, we can make it better for a few of them.”

Prayers for a Merry Christmas to all through the eyes of a child.  

And a wish for special blessings for those many individuals and organizations who spend their Christmas time and money trying to make it a better memory for others.

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“Any car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”

– Unknown

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Board games are always high on my Christmas gift-giving list. In addition to the old favorites like Chance, Clue, and Sorry, every gift-giving season debuts new additions that stimulate thinking skills and require no batteries or computers.

For me, board games filled hours of afternoons with neighborhood friends growing up and even as an adult at holiday family gatherings playing with the kids. Those memories were perhaps the muse for my latest holiday gift idea.

Consider the favorite for generations and all ages: Monopoly. The wealth-building game enjoyed a revival with the craze that swept the game nation when cities, schools, and organizations of every kind cashed in on morphing themselves with Monopoly. I remember the first one in Nashville, Tennessee, when “Music City” introduced its version featuring a playing board depicting all the city’s well-known landmarks.

Soon, every burg and business had its own version. I still have a “Boerne-opoly” game sold in that Texas Hill Country city where I published the paper in the 1990s. It’s like wheeling and dealing in your hometown to be the next big play money winner.

So, if you’re reading this Milton Bradley, I have the following “opoly” winner board game for you. Unfortunately, it’s too late to make Santa’s sleigh run this season, but it can be ready by next year if we work on it. While it can be adapted to individual hometown traffic entanglements incurred by many small towns, I propose we call ours “Driving Downtown Center-opoly.”

I can see it now: a playing board depicting the newly renovated downtown Center square, which I think looks fabulous. The city’s new small-town charm will make a great-looking game board for those drivers and pedestrians who haven’t yet grasped the correct (legal and safe) methods to maneuver it.

To win the game, players would have to drive (advance their game piece) around the square by entering at one of its four corners. Then roll the dice, just was as real-life drivers do, to go all the way around and exit at the same comer. But the catch is doing it without breaking one single traffic law.

Each player would start with the same number of points and get docked by cutting in front of others, failing to heed every stop sign, turning without signals, making left turns from the right lane, improper turns from one lane to another, and failing to stop for pedestrians in the crosswalks. Coincidentally, all real-life illegal actions as seen on the square.

The object for pedestrian players would be walking the game board on foot around the square (by advancing their game piece), crossing at crosswalks only, and returning to exit the square where they started.

Points would be lost by illegally jaywalking between the plethora of crosswalks available, creating havoc for the aforementioned “driver” players. Remember … those who do not stop for people in the crosswalks, cut in front of others, fail to stop at the stop signs, don’t use turn signals, and turn out of and into the wrong lanes?

Hidden penalties would be assessed for players parking a game piece on Austin Street near its intersection with San Augustine Street where anything short of stopping in the middle of the street is mistaken for parking. “Driver” players would lose points for illegal parking practices, including but not limited to failing to parallel park where designated, and parking on the wrong side of the street going the wrong way. Again, amazingly like real life.

Bonus points should be awarded to the first player offering a solution for big-rig truck drivers who seemingly cannot read the many “no trucks allowed” signs they pass ultimately creating traffic confusion on the square.

The game would be a best seller. Where else could one find thrill, excitement, and danger all rolled up in blatant disregard for traffic laws accurately depicting every day, real-life driving experiences?

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

—George Bernard Shaw, (1856 –1950) Irish playwright, critic, polemicist, and political activist.

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Writers love finding new words. Even rediscovering forgotten words can be fun. My personal delight is checking the dictionary to ensure that a word I haven’t used in a while still means what it once did, and finding the definition tagged as “archaic.” Archaic wordsmiths love old words.

Last week, reading Mattie Dellinger’s column reminded me of the beauty and power in simple words. The long-time Center, Texas columnist and historian wrote, “In all my half a century of writing for newspapers, I’ve never used a word which would send the reader to the dictionary to see what I meant. The fact is I couldn’t spell it anyway. Maybe you notice that I use nickel words instead of four-bits words in my weekly writing.”

Mattie covered news stories and wrote columns for the local newspapers for decades before she passed away in 2013 at the age of 101. Her timeless columns are reprinted in the Light and Champion every week.

Working with Mattie for many years and calling her my friend was a privilege. I remember her often saying in our weekly editorial meetings. “Never use four-bit words when nickel words will do.”

At that time, we used to call those collections of four-bit words “gobbledygook.” That’s the fun word I remembered last week, and a word that my mother often used. It’s even fun to say. The dictionary defines gobbledygook as, “Unclear, wordy jargon.” Unclear messages to the point of absurdity have been compounded in many ways since I first heard the word.

Some blame it on attorneys and the courts. Some blame it on the government. Some even blame the media. But, regardless of who takes the rap, attempted oversimplification of communication has reached the point of gobbledygook.

Everything we read today: handbooks, procedures, directives, even washroom instructions are too often worded so “simply” that even a Harvard graduate has no idea what the Sam Hill some things are supposed to mean. I’m betting even Sam himself doesn’t know.

For example, “Effectively communicate to personnel the required procedural data to enable effective implementation for the methodologies delineated.” Today, a more easily understood version might be, “Shout it a little louder or post it next to the coffee pot in the break room.”

Try this one, “Make an attempt to perceive expectations concerning the applicability of these programs to the functions and capacities of their intended utilization.” See how much easier it gets once we understand? This one surely means, “Figure out what the customer wants.”

I read one a while back that stated, “Integrated logistical programming capability for incremental transitional time-phase projections.” I think you or I would have just said, “One thing at a time.”

These and similar gems were found in an old clipping that someone, perhaps Mattie, found during those years we worked together. That faded copy of “The Editorial Eye,” which included no individual attribution to offer, also proclaimed to “Effectively terminate all processes for project development.” It was determined by someone smarter than me that it means, “Stop working on this and find a new job.”

We no doubt figured out at one of our meetings with Mattie that, “Our preliminary projections of capitalization benefits have essentially proven to be severely underrated.” That one is easy. “Hello … we tried to tell you we needed more money.”

The classic use of two-bit words may have been, “A substantial increase in expenditures for fiscal resources to implement the optimum enhancement of conference room facilities.” Yep, just say, “The new executive washroom is going to cost more than we thought.”

Gobbledygook need not be limited to business communication, insurance policies, or legal language. It can easily be adapted to everyday or casual conversation with very little imagination. For example, when your wife says, “He metamorphosed into a laid-back mode with potential for a deeper transitional state,” all she is really trying to say is, “Don’t disturb the baby, he’s almost asleep.”

And the next time someone at a neighborhood party shouts, “Let’s have a little better integration of our individual efforts in our harmonious group interactions,”… don’t stress over it. Just sing on key.

After many years of writing, my money is still on Mattie’s advice.

So, do you know what it means to be categorized as a “polemicist” as was George Bernard Shaw in the above introduction? If you didn’t, I didn’t either, So I looked it up. “A person who engages in controversial debate.”

Now we both have a new word to use.

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“Did I tell you the best part of watching your children grow up is seeing them learn how to improve on the advice you gave them.”

— Something someone told me years ago

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 “I would never want to be a mechanic,” Lee said after “hello.”

“Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving, Dad.”

“Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to you,” I responded. “So … you don’t want to be a mechanic?”

My son is 42 years old, and did I tell you he is very good at what he does? Obviously, he doesn’t turn wrenches to support his family. His skills are in computers; a profession foreshadowed around his first-grade year when he latched on to a cast aside Apple IIE, my first computer. It quit and I replaced it with one of the “new” first-generation Apple Macintosh models. “Can I have the old one,” he asked? “Sure,” I said, thinking it would wind up disassembled and tossed in his toy box.

To my surprise, he revived the defunct device and was playing games on it in no time.

Computers were still sci-fi when I was that age, but my leaning was already toward the very thing about which he was protesting loudly last week. Long before I earned a driver’s license at 14 and started drag racing the family car at Stracener’s Drag Strip in Bettie, Texas (unbeknownst to my father), I was overhauling carburetors, replacing clutches and transmissions, and learning how to make cars go faster.

Although family and kids had cut into the budget, when Lee came along, tinkering with cars and racing was still part of my lifestyle. And as would be the dream of most fathers, mine was that my son would acquire similar automotive interests. Turns out he was interested in cars all right, just not my style. He liked the “tuner cars” gaining popularity then: to me, wimpy imports with tiny motors that sounded like a swarm of angry bees with gastrointestinal problems.

My heart raced to the deafening sound of American-made, high-powered V-8 motors with aggressive camshafts burning high octane gas and rattling windows with deep-rumbling exhaust tones. Did I tell you it still does?

But hey, he was a car guy.

Continuing his saga of automotive anguish last week, Lee related how one of his children approached him last summer with, “The air conditioner in my car doesn’t work.” He said he responded, “You’re old enough to drive a car, you’re old enough to take care of one.”

Thinking I had heard those words once before, I remembered, “Oh yeah, that’s sorta like what I told him 25 years ago.” Yep, I gave Lee a ten-year-old Chevy pickup in lieu of the brand-new Nissan “ZX whatever” he requested, telling him to show me how he could take of a vehicle, and we would talk about something somewhere between the two. Did I tell you how that worked for either of us? Drop me a line; I’ll share that story.

“So, when she called a couple of weeks ago and said the car wouldn’t go,” Lee continued, “We took it to the local dealership. Their estimate to repair everything that didn’t work, plus some things that were still working … good enough, was $8,000. That’s for a used car that cost $5,600.”

Making a long and funny story short (did I tell you my son can be a comedian), he and his father-in-law replaced the air conditioner fan motor which required removing much of the car’s interior. Next, they removed the car’s transmission and part of the suspension to replace the clutch. All of this, accomplished solely with a YouTube video knowledge and some head scratching.

“We worked on it for a couple of weeks,” Lee reported. “The hardest part was getting the transmission back in. But, just this afternoon, we figured it out. It went back together, I started it and it works. I wanted to tell you, Dad,” Lee concluded his story. “Because I know you’re a car guy. I could tell my friends but some of them are not really car guys. They wouldn’t understand.”

And I did understand the pride and sense of accomplishment detected in his voice as I remembered the first time I pulled the transmission in my ’55 Chevy as a kid to replace the clutch and repair the transmission. Yep, it’s a good feeling at any age if you’re a “car guy.”

Oh, did I tell you that these days, Lee’s ride is the Dodge Challenger R/T above, with a high-powered motor and deep-rumbling exhaust tones?

—Leon Aldridge

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Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“There are no seven wonders of the world in the eye of a child, there seven million.” — saying commonly attributed to Walt Streightiff, author and newspaper editor.

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When thoughts turn to Thanksgiving, my top-of-mind moments tend to focus on family, food, and fall weather. That and kids.

Thanksgiving was a favorite holiday for me as a child and grew to become even more so when I watched my own children enjoying the warmth of family gatherings with lots of good food. And now that I am in the older generation, being qualified to offer helpful advice to the younger ones makes the holidays even more enjoyable.

It started at that turkey day dinner gathering a few years ago when a young new father in our large family approached me seeking pointers on child-rearing from the family “old timers.”

“You’ve raised children, and you have grandchildren,” the proud parent asked, seeking wisdom as we sat down to eat. “So, at your age, what do you consider the most important part of child rearing.”

My knee-jerk desire was to tell him at all costs to avoid those words. It’s bad enough, “at this age,” that “at your age” always precedes medical conversations without it invading friendly family talks.

Instead, I replied, “Thanks for the vote of confidence in my child rearing skills, but my mom always said that a parent is never through raising their children. Could be, however,” I added with a shrug, “she was just talking about me.”

Searching for something more informative, I reflected on my parenting skills as compared to those of my parents in the 50s and 60s. Then I shared how watching my own children as parents gave me four generational differences when adding the advice my grandmother left with me.

“Training,” I blurted out to conclude. “Raising a child requires infinite skills, but your training makes the difference.” Then, feeling I had fulfilled what was expected of me, I reached for another helping of turkey and dressing.

“What sort of training do you consider most important,” was the younger generation’s comeback question.

Pausing before taking that next bite, I said, “Maintaining that elusive balance of nurturing valuable life skills without being counterproductive. For instance, we devote the first two years of their life teaching children to walk and talk, followed by the next four, five, or sixteen, teaching them to sit still and be quiet.

“There is no way to describe the feeling,” I continued, “of spending hours coaxing your offspring into uttering infantile noises that only a parent would recognize like ‘momma’ or ‘da-da.’ Then reeling in shock, a couple of years later when one of them blurts, ‘goody-goody, let’s go’ immediately after the ‘amen’ on the closing prayer at church.”

“But,” I added, changing my tone of voice, “Beware of the day when they ask the hardest question of all. “Hopefully,” I added, “You will be better prepared for some of the trickier questions like ‘where does the fire go when it burns the log away?’ Even then, you will never be ready for the dreaded word that should never be taught to children under the age of 37— the infamous ‘Why?’”

“Once the little one feels the power of what can be accomplished with a simple ‘why,’ life is never the same for the parents,” I warned. “It’s a 15-minute delay for going to bed, taking a bath, or eating peas, I added. “And the weary parent is slow to learn that answering one simple question only leads to a barrage of follow-ups.”

“Consider, if you will,” I said, leaning across the table for emphasis, “Trying to tell a four-year old that why he needs let go of the cat’s tail is so that it doesn’t shred the curtains. And, so there is something left to cover the windows to keep the neighbors from watching frustrated parents trying to explain their way out of endless ‘why’ questions posed by preschoolers.”

“And, what usually follows,” I said, turning my attention from the turkey the last time, “is the little tyke will ask ‘what happened to Kitty?’ And you will simply smile and say with a sinister smile, ‘It ran away.’”

“That’s good to know …,” my young listener said slowly.

“In fact,” I concluded, “It will make you wonder what answer your wife will have when your child asks, ‘Mommy, why did daddy run out into the back yard screaming, ‘I don’t know why.’”

As of last Thanksgiving, the young couple still has just one child.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy the holiday gatherings with young people as much as I do.

—Leon Aldridge

. . . . . . . . . . .

Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“The economy has turned my old car into an expensive, high-performance vehicle. It now goes from 0 to $60 in less than 60 seconds.”

—Internet humor

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Keeping cars fueled has changed the way many of us live. Just last week, I had to apply for an increase in my credit limit at the bank, and that was just to buy enough gas to get to the service station. Or, more accurately stated, the inconvenience stores that sell gasoline without service. I heard last week that someone called the police claiming they were robbed at the corner gas station. When the dispatcher asked if they knew the thief’s identity, the caller responded, “Yes, it was pump number 6.”

Along with affordable fuel, I miss the days of real service stations. Places where drivers bought a tank of gas for less than five dollars without getting out of the car, and received an under-the-hood checkup, tire pressure check, a windshield cleaning, and an interior sweeping at no extra charge. That’s a far cry from last week when I paid $3.29 for “regular” gas in Center that I pumped myself, and after selecting ‘yes’ for a receipt at the pump, the message read “clerk has the receipt.”

That’s tantamount to being robbed, then being invited inside to thank them for robbing you.

It’s also a far cry from memories of buying a dollar’s worth of gas at the local station, knowing that would get me to school, to work after school, and home again for several days.

Those after school jobs for me were often at service stations where the life of a high school kid working a part-time job was not only educational but came with perks.

Recounting a few of those experiences to a friend last week reminded me of just how far we’ve come in automobile technology and how much we’ve lost in customer service since then.

Perks included washing your car on slow nights or changing your oil using the station’s service rack and tools just for the cost of the oil and filter. That sure beat doing it across the front yard ditch at home, lying on my back using the few worn-out tools dad owned. While I don’t remember how much a quart of oil cost in the 1960s, I do recall the advertised price for an oil and filter change at Rex Kidwells’ Fina station on South Jefferson was $5.

It wasn’t a bad job either when the cute blonde in algebra class you were too shy to ask out on a date happened to drive in to fill up her car. Just enough time to get better acquainted and find the nerve to ask if she might be interested in going to the midnight show after Friday night’s football game. It was, after all, a sci-fi flick, “Terror From Outer Space.”

The job even had its humorous moments. Like the night the ’57 Chevrolet squealed in the driveway with strains of Chuck Berry’s “Maybelline” recognizable through rolled-down windows. The driver barked, “Two bucks of regular, check the tires, and make it snappy, kid. I’m in a hurry.” He then returned to swaying with the music of “Maybelline, coming over the hill in her Coupe Deville.”

Gas pumped and tires checked, I leaned across the fender for the obligatory free windshield cleaning when the radio’s volume suddenly dropped drastically. The startled driver turned the knob up and began pounding on the dash. Finished cleaning one side, I stepped back to walk to the other side, and the volume blasted back.

I was halfway around the car when it dawned on me. With the driver’s side clean and sparkling; I smiled and walked back to the other side for a “touch up.” Sure enough, when I leaned across the fender, reaching for the windshield, my arm touched the radio antenna. And just like before, the volume vanished. The driver sprang into action again, attempting to “fix” the radio’s volume. I let him go through his antics one more time before moving my arm enough for the sound to boom back.

Apparently, the antenna had a short or a loose connection, and my touching it was enough to ground the signal. Realizing I was in control, I bumped it a couple more times just to have some fun with “Mr. Make it Snappy” before collecting his two dollars.

America has lost more than just money out of working people’s pockets for over-priced and over-taxed gasoline at service-less stations. It has lost one of the best places for a high school kid to work: the full-service station where gas was 29¢ a gallon, wash jobs were $1.25, and every day was fun.

—Leon Aldridge

. . . . . . . . . . .

Aldridge columns are published in these Texas newspapers: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune,  the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, and the Alpine Avalanche.

© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.