“When a friend deals with a friend, Let the bargain be clear and well penn’d, That they may continue friends to the end.”
— Written by Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) in Poor Richard’s Almanac under the alias of Richard Saunders. The publication appeared from 1732 to 1758.
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Fall has arrived! And I for one, am glad.
Because of fall foliage, pumpkin spice coffee, or cooler weather, you ask. All of that, but also because the 2025 almanacs will ship soon.
An almanac will never make the New York Times Best Seller list, but they are still one of my favorite reads. Whether it’s the Texas Almanac, the Farmer’s Almanac, or the Cardui my grandparents swore by, almanacs are still informative and entertaining.
Indelible childhood memories of the house in Pittsburg where my father grew up include what was always behind the back door. A single shot 22 my grandfather used to dissuade Blue Jays from fleecing fruit from his prized trees, a flyswatter for insects invading the un-air-conditioned house (and for unruly grandchildren), and the Cardui calendar for wisdom, advice, and entertainment.
Cardui calendars and almanacs were primarily to promote the elixir by the same name. It was good. I know that because Dolly Parton and Porter Wagner hailed its virtues every Saturday afternoon on their country music television show. Between songs like “Holdin’ On to Nothing” and “Just Someone I Used to Know.”
Dolly’s endorsement aside, some folks might say if you’ve seen one almanac, you’ve seen them all. But that’s just not true. They are all gems for weather forecasts, planting tables, zodiac ‘secrets,’ recipes, astronomical tables, tides, holidays, eclipses, articles, and remedies for all sorts of aches and ailments.
One thing that makes a good almanac interesting for “city slickers and country folk alike,” as Farmers Almanacs markets theirs, is that scores of advertisers and writers compete for space each year. The result is a “duke’s mixture” of diverse ideas offering new and old information, all of which defies usual descriptions. Let alone any sort of conventional best seller book review.
According to my old friend, fellow columnist, writer, musician, and folk historian remembered by many in Center, Don Jacobs, the standby book has saved many a columnist from “mundane” mumbo-jumbo writings.”
Jacobs once said, “Faced with the prospect of having to turn out yet mother Halloween column as October looms were writers dreading the dilemma of trying to describe orange-colored wax whistles to kids who know how to program computers. Then swooping in just as deadlines approach,” Jacobs added, “the Old Farmer’s Almanac manifested itself on countless shelves.”
The columnist even called the almanac tantamount to the Great Pumpkin himself, “… leaving a bag of goodies that could be reviewed from early Fall clear through to Christmas and still have ideas left over.” And he was right.
For instance, who remembers the turn-of-the-century Mail Pouch Tobacco thermometers? Still need one for the barn, the house, the garage, or the man cave? Faithful reproductions are available, as are windmills, weathervanes and Rosebud Salve … all in the almanac.
Other vital information you’re likely to find can also include pitches for learning to be a locksmith, learning how to read small print easily, or instructions on sending off for a mail order government surplus directory.
If it’s your health that concerns you, the almanac has that covered, too. Dealing with a hernia, hard of hearing, or huffing because you’re just plain run down and worn out? There are products guaranteed to “perk you up, hold you together, or cure what ails you.” Things like “Rooster Pills” that, according to the ad, promised to have you “feeling active, vigorous, and crowing again.”
And where else besides the almanac can you read about how one family of seven cut their water heating bill in half, the latest on comets, the history of the mule, and how to pick the perfect mate? All in one edition. There’s the internet now, some say. But you know you can trust what you read in the almanac.
Plus, you can trust pearls of wisdom by philosophers such as Old Nels, Reese Davis, Homer Stillson, Padric Gallagher, Gertrude Bailey, or one Miss Keller — whose writings might cause modern philosophers to take notice.
Miss Keller wrote, “I’ve never met a trollop who was a good cook, or a good cook who was a trollop.” She also had some choice words about tomcats and high-heeled shoes, but her all-time classic was on chickens.
“If you want to raise chickens,” she offered, “you have to put up with the rooster. And if you want to raise children, you have to put up with a husband.”
So, if you find the latest list of best sellers to be boring, just grab yourself an almanac. They are guaranteed good reading on topics you never thought about, offering advice you didn’t know you needed.
Just ask Dolly.
—Leon Aldridge
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Aldridge columns are featured in these publications: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune, the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, the Alpine Avalanche, the Fort Stockton Pioneer, the Elgin Courier, The Monitor in Naples, and Motor Sports Magazine.
© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2024. Excerpts and links may be used, provided full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and ‘A Story Worth Telling’ with appropriate and specific directions to the original content.
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