“Fine honey, as long as you get it delivered.”
— Heber Taylor III, author and former Galveston News editor
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One perk of living a long life is recalling smart people you’ve met. One trick to living a long life is remembering what you learned from them.
Wise men like Ben Grimes up in Naples, Texas where my love for the printed word began. Ben dropped by The Monitor office one morning back during the brief time my title at the Morris County newspaper was owner and editor. Told me he couldn’t stay long; just dropped in for coffee. Said his wife had asked him to mow the grass.
Ordinarily, Ben wouldn’t have been so bent on completing a chore like yard work to the point he’d let it interfere with coffee. But he quickly sipped the hot cup, sharing that morning how he figured out long ago how any married man could always get the last words in any conversation.
His secret? Just make sure those last words are, “Yes, dear.”
My Uncle Bill, mom’s younger brother out in Sweetwater who has always been my hero, approached the concept of marriage conversation from a different perspective. “If a man utters a sentence alone in the woods where no woman can possibly hear him,” he once asked philosophically, “Is he still wrong?”
Yet another take on the matter of matrimonial bliss was noted some years ago by former Galveston County Daily News editor and columnist Heber Taylor III. He had not only the philosophy, but a great story to illustrate.
Heber’s father, Heber Taylor II, hired me as a journalism instructor when he was the communication department chair at Stephen F. Austin State University. The elder Taylor also offered words of wisdom. But on another topic we’ll save for another day.
The younger Taylor recounted in a column, his experience about being approached by a young man. A groom-to-be seeking Taylor’s advice about a strong marriage.
“There are nine magic words for a successful marriage,” Taylor wrote, “And if you learn them while you’re young, you will save yourself a lot of grief.”
With that admonition, the editor started his story about the day his wife bought a piano. “The Wise Woman (as he always called her) contacted me during the busiest part of the day and said something about a piano,” he wrote.
“It was the crucial time of my day — deadline. If I’m five minutes late, I will have angry readers and even angrier bosses.”
So, to save time, Taylor said he uttered those nine magic words to his wife. “Fine honey, as long as you get it delivered.” He then returned to press day duties, giving the matter no more thought.
Until he went home that evening.
“It’s always a bad sign,” Taylor told the story, “When a crowd is gathered around your house watching a spectacle unfold.” He said a wrecker truck was parked squarely in the middle of his yard with the boom fully extended. Dangling by a length of cable was a piano with a wiry little man riding on top of it, swinging back and forth.
Taylor said he quickly determined that the object of this bizarre exercise was an attempt to set the piano on the upstairs porch of the house, and into the grip of three big men waiting to grab the instrument.
“A guy eating ice cream jabbed me in the ribs,” said Taylor. “And bet me five bucks the piano would fall, taking all those guys down with it.
“Miraculously,” the wide-eyed husband added, “He was wrong. However, the men on the porch did slip twice, eliciting exclamations from the crowd.”
Taylor said he told the prospective groom that the bruised and bleeding workers were glad when it was over. And how they voiced concerns about the woman who had orchestrated such a scheme. But added that he felt it was best not to disclose that part to his wife. Another good tip for a long marriage.
“Weren’t you mad at her for ruining you financially,” Taylor said the young man asked him.
“Oh, she would have done that anyway,” Taylor confessed. “That’s not the choice you have to make as man of the house. The choice is, do you want to be ruined financially. Or do you want to be ruined financially, and be mashed to death by a piano while all the neighbors watch?”
Taylor said he could see right away the young fellow was beginning to understand about a successful marriage. He was already mumbling to himself … as he walked away.
I remember that August morning more than 25 years ago in downtown Naples when Ben and I shared the intricacies of navigating married life. And sharing Taylor’s good advice. Looking back, Heber presumably survived the piano predicament. And Uncle Bill may still be in the woods testing his theory.
But I’m confident of one thing. Ben mowed the grass that summer morning. Because of one other important piece of marriage advice.
Benefits of the “Yes, dear” ticket expire the very first time a husband forgets something he has promised to do.
—Leon Aldridge
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Aldridge columns are featured in these publications: The Center Light and Champion, the Mount Pleasant Tribune, the Rosenberg Fort Bend Herald, the Taylor Press, the Alpine Avalanche, the Fort Stockton Pioneer, the Elgin Courier, The Monitor in Naples, and Motor Sports Magazine.
© Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling 2024. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leon Aldridge and A Story Worth Telling with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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